


a new normal

by bestthreemonths



Category: Her Name in the Sky - Kelly Quindlen
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-07
Updated: 2017-06-07
Packaged: 2018-11-10 09:31:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,339
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11124447
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bestthreemonths/pseuds/bestthreemonths
Summary: The Six Pack takes a trip to the beach.





	a new normal

Hannah crosses and uncrosses her legs a few times, clasping her hands together tightly in her lap as she stares out the window, taking in the familiar surroundings of her hometown. She feels an eerie sense of being home and still being in a foreign place at the same time, but she’s on edge for too many other reasons to count.

 

“You good?” Joanie asks from the driver’s side. “We went through your packing list like 25 times. I’m almost positive you didn’t forget anything.”

 

Hannah forces a laugh, squeezing her hands tighter. “I’m fine,” she says, but she can tell Joanie doesn’t buy it. “Isn’t this going to be a little weird?” she asks. “It’s our first trip together where Baker and I are… you know.”

 

“Why would it be weird?” Joanie asks.

 

Hannah sighs. Joanie tries so hard to seem unaffected about the gay thing, which is usually great, but not when it diminishes Hannah’s anxiety. Besides, she has more experience hanging out with Hannah and Baker as girlfriends than anyone else.

 

“Seriously, we all hung out over Thanksgiving and Christmas and Easter,” her little sister continues. “I didn’t feel like it was weird, did you?”

 

“No,” Hannah says honestly. The weirdness had shaken out for the most part toward the end of last summer, but the Six Pack still hasn’t done anything like this—a whole week together at the beach—since last Spring Break, and they all remember how that turned out. “I keep having these mini freak-outs, like how Baker and I always share a bed, but now every time we go to bed I’m going to feel like… I don’t know.”

 

“Like people are thinking about you two having sex?” Joanie asks. “I felt that way constantly after Luke and I first hooked up. I felt like a totally new person, and I was so sure that everyone could tell. Like I had some big neon sign on my face that said ‘NOT A VIRGIN.’”

 

“Like a scarlet letter?”

 

“What?” Joanie asks, her face scrunching up in confusion. “Sure, whatever. My point is I didn’t let Luke hold my hand in public for like a month.”

 

“We could tell,” Hannah says drily. “But mostly because you were acting so weird after the fact.”

 

“Exactly!” Joanie says. “If you just act like everything is normal, nobody is going to think twice about you and Baker. I promise.”

 

Hannah doesn’t have time to respond because when she looks up, she sees Baker’s house and a figure in the driveway waving excitedly.

 

“Yeah, just like that,” Joanie teases when she sees Hannah’s grin. “Super normal.”

 

“Shut up,” Hannah grumbles, unbuckling her seatbelt and jumping out of the car as soon as Joanie comes to a stop. Her feet barely hit the ground before Baker is colliding with her in a tight hug.

 

“Hi,” Baker murmurs into Hannah’s ear. “It feels so good to squeeze you.”

 

Hannah’s heart feels like it could burst out of her chest, and she just holds Baker even tighter. “I’m so excited to spend the week with you.”

 

“I’m so excited to spend the whole summer with you.”

 

After exams, Hannah had put most of her things in storage in Atlanta before hopping on a plane to come home. Baker planned to go with Hannah’s parents to pick her up at the airport last night, but after three flight delays, Hannah told Baker to stay home and get rest for their long drive today.

 

“As much as I’m loving the love, we’re late as hell,” Joanie says.

 

“Nice to see you too, Joanie,” Baker teases, sticking her tongue between her teeth as Hannah throws her luggage into the trunk. “We’re going to sit in the back and canoodle, hope you’re cool with that.”

 

Joanie lets out a dramatic sigh. “I suppose I’ll survive.”

 

Something about Baker’s warm hand in Hannah’s and her head on Hannah’s shoulder, blinking up at her with clear brown eyes, makes all of Hannah’s worries disappear. “I think that’s called being in love,” Baker had said the first time Hannah had voiced that thought right before they went their separate ways for college.

 

~

 

It doesn’t take long for the road trip to feel like old times all over again, which is to say, they’re only a few miles onto the highway before Joanie and Wally are bickering about what they should listen to on the radio, Joanie eventually winning out because she volunteered to drive. Hannah falls asleep in the back row of her mom’s SUV to the sweet sound of good-natured insults being thrown around the car, her head on Baker’s lap as Baker strokes her hair.

 

She wakes up long enough to play the license plate game and Two Truths and a Lie, a game that gets harder to win with every year that passes. There’s going to come a time, she’s sure, when none of them will have any secrets left that the other five don’t know about.

 

By the time they get to the beach house they researched and rented on airbnb (well, Baker did anyway… she’s still the most grown up of the bunch), Hannah has fallen asleep again, and Baker wakes her up with a soft kiss to the temple.

 

“Up and at ‘em, honey bunny,” Baker whispers, making Hannah grin before she even opens her eyes. The pet names get cheesier when they haven’t seen each other in a while, and Hannah doesn’t mind in the least.

 

“We get the master bedroom because it’s my name on the deposit because none of you bitches helped!” Baker calls as everyone makes a mad dash up the steps to the front door of the house.

 

“That’s not fair, Hannah didn’t help either!” Joanie whines.

 

“Not true, she kept me company over Skype while I looked things up,” Baker says. “Moral support goes a long way. Maybe next time you’ll all have learned your lesson.”

 

“I’m sure sexual favors helped,” Hannah murmurs in Baker’s ear once they get to their room, making her blush.

 

“Maybe,” Baker laughs. “You’ll have to remind me of those tonight.”

 

“Or right now,” Hannah suggests, setting her bag down and placing her hands on Baker’s hips. “I’ve missed you.”

 

“I’ve missed you more, but they’re going to know something is up if we just disappear,” Baker murmurs, leaning into Hannah’s lips for a slow kiss. “It’s dinner time. Let’s go help unpack all the snacks and alcohol. I promise it’ll go by fast.”

 

~

 

Baker couldn’t be more wrong about the night going by fast, not when she’s wearing short jean shorts and a flimsy tank top on the porch while they all drink and eat pizza and talk about the past year.

 

It only takes Hannah one beer and one mixed drink to practically glue her hand to Baker’s upper thigh. Nobody seems to notice, aside from Baker, who seems to make it her personal mission to mess with Hannah’s head as much as possible, leaning over Hannah every chance she gets so Hannah can see directly down her shirt and know she isn’t wearing a bra.

 

“You’re pure evil,” Hannah growls in her ear, eliciting a delightful laugh from Baker that makes everyone’s head turn.

 

Baker slaps a hand over her mouth. “Sorry, louder than I meant to be,” she says.

 

“Share the joke with the rest of the class,” Luke demands. “We all want to laugh.”

 

Baker stammers before Hannah steps in. “I told her she better slow down so she doesn’t end up falling through another fence,” she says. “Not that funny, I know.”

 

“Poor thing has to put up with your terrible jokes even more than the rest of us,” Joanie sighs. “You’re a saint, Baker.”

 

“That’s one word for it,” Hannah mumbles.

 

Baker lets out a loud fake yawn. “Gosh, all that driving sure has me tired,” she says. “I think I’m going to head in early.”

 

Joanie smirks at Hannah, but nobody else seems to think it’s weird. Clay even yawns as well, setting off a chain reaction throughout the group that Baker can’t help but laugh at as she yawns herself (for real this time). Everyone picks up their plates and cups and trashes them, not paying any mind to the fact that Hannah and Baker are the first to escape back to their room.

 

~

 

“I think you missed a spot, Han,” Joanie calls across Clay, Wally, and Luke, shaking Hannah out of her daze as she rubs sunscreen into Baker’s lower back.

 

Baker giggles, pulling away as she realizes they’ve been caught. “I prefer my sunscreen applied as thoroughly as possible,” she calls back, climbing onto her own beach chair next to Hannah’s. “Thanks, honey.”

 

“Not honey bunny?” Hannah pouts as she accepts Baker’s small peck.

 

“That’s only for when you’re really cute and sleepy,” Baker says. “Well, you’re always really cute, I guess.”

 

“You guess?”

 

“No, you definitely are. Very cute. Always. You’ll stay that cute if you don’t get skin cancer, so let me do you.”

 

“You want to  _ do me _ out here on the beach?” Hannah gasps in mock astonishment.

 

Baker laughs despite herself. “Shut up before I get Wally to put the sunscreen on you instead.”

 

Hannah wrinkles her nose and turns her back to Baker, who rubs circles over her back and under the straps of her bikini. Hannah can feel all her hair stand on end as her girlfriend’s fingertips trail down her spine and just the slightest bit under the waistband of her bottoms.

 

“There,” Baker murmurs, pressing a kiss to Hannah’s shoulder blade. “Ew, you taste gross. Get better tasting sunscreen.”

 

“Yeah, that’s usually top of the list in what I look for in sunblock,” Hannah deadpans. “Flavor then SPF.”

 

“Then how cute the bottle will look in an Instagram picture.”

 

Hannah sighs, leaning in for a kiss. “You get me.”

 

~

 

It only takes a few hours for Hannah to burn, despite plenty of re-application. Baker jokes that Hannah is just desperate to get Baker’s hands back on her, but Hannah pouts and whimpers even as she spreads the cool aloe all over her back.

 

“Poor baby,” Baker tuts, stroking her hair, which still kind of hurts Hannah’s scalp. “Maybe some cuddling on the couch will help.”

 

It sounds good in theory, but Hannah can’t bring herself to lean into Baker on the couch when they’re surrounded by the rest of their friends. Wally pours them both strong drinks, and after one, Hannah forgets about her sunburn, but she doesn’t lose her hypersensitivity about being  _ too _ coupley around their friends.

 

She looks toward Joanie and Luke, who are cuddled together on a loveseat thumb wrestling, and wishes she could let herself do that with Baker. When they’re alone or with their college friends, it’s no problem, but something about being with the Six Pack still puts Hannah on edge, and she can’t put her finger on what it could be.

 

Clay’s the one who suggests drinking games, to nobody’s surprise. Somehow they settle on Never Have I Ever, which, unlike Two Truths and a Lie, gets easier (and therefore more fun) over time. Joanie’s first one is, as always, “never have I ever kissed a girl,” which is probably the only thing everyone else has to drink for while she can sit smugly and watch.

 

“Live a little, Joanie,” Baker teases, turning Hannah’s head toward her for a quick kiss as Luke whistles and Hannah turns beet red. Baker clearly doesn't have the same qualms as Hannah about making things awkward. Then again, nobody seems particularly bothered by it, everyone immediately looking toward Luke for his turn.

 

Baker blushes every time someone (usually Wally) brings up a sex thing, but she doesn't hesitate sipping, usually glancing at Hannah out of the corner of her eye while she does. Still, Hannah tries to keep it tame.

 

“Never have I ever eaten an entire bag of popcorn at the movies before the previews were over,” Hannah says.

 

“I was hungry!” Baker whines, smacking Hannah’s leg while she drinks. “Never have I ever forgotten which side my girlfriend was sitting on at the movies and held some 14-year-old boy’s hand!”

 

“Bitch,” Hannah mutters, rolling her eyes playfully.

 

“Damn, Han,” Clay teases. “I always thought you liked them older.”

 

“Excuse me!” Baker exclaims, throwing a pretzel at Clay.

 

“I’ve got one,” Wally says. “Never have I ever had a sex dream about Mrs. Hadley.”

 

“What?” Baker gasps, looking between Clay and Luke, who are sheepishly drinking while avoiding eye contact. “You are both disgusting!”

 

“Your mom is hot, Baker,” Joanie says. “You're going to be a hot mom too. I'm surprised Hannah didn't drink.”

 

“Never have I ever peed my pants when the bus driver hit a bump in elementary school,” Hannah retorts.

 

“I was in like first grade!”

 

“Fourth!”

 

“Never have I ever showed up late to Christmas Eve Mass with hickeys all over my neck,” Joanie taunts, smirking at Hannah and Baker. 

 

Hannah shakes her head, remembering that evening vividly. The Hadleys had left early to bring dinner to a sick neighbor, and Hannah and Baker had just lost track of time while getting ready. It’s not Hannah’s fault Baker’s concealer doesn’t match her skin tone.

 

“My turn, my turn,” Clay says. “Never have I ever seen Baker naked.”

 

The rest of the room goes quiet as Clay downs his drink. Hannah’s eyes go directly to Baker’s face, and the lump in her throat turns to rage instead when she sees the hurt in Baker’s eyes.

 

“You’re supposed to pick something you haven’t done, dumbass,” Joanie says, breaking the silence and smacking Clay in the head.

 

“New rule, first one to name something they’ve already done loses,” Wally says, jumping in. “Clay, you’re on clean-up duty.”

 

Baker stands up, rubbing her arms like she’s suddenly cold. She mumbles something about going to the bathroom, but she disappears up the stairs toward the room she shares with Hannah.

 

“Nice going,” Joanie mumbles to Clay, who looks at Hannah in shock.

 

He looks dumbstruck, like either he can’t believe he said that or he can’t believe Baker’s reaction. Hannah doesn’t care to find out which one it is. She tears her eyes away from him and gets up, walking toward the stairs in search of Baker.

 

When she finds her, Baker is sitting cross-legged on their bed in a big sweatshirt and leggings, scrolling through her phone.

 

“Are you okay, baby?” Hannah asks gently.

 

Baker looks up, alarmed, and Hannah can see her eyes are redder than usual, though it could be from the sun today. “Yeah, I—why would he say that?” Her lip trembles.

 

“He wasn’t thinking,” Hannah says, sitting next to her. “Or he was thinking and he’s just a stupid boy.”

 

Baker tries to smile, but it looks forced. “Sorry I ran away. I know I said I wouldn’t do that anymore.”

 

“As long as you aren’t running from me and I can always find you, I don’t mind.”

 

This time, Baker’s smile is real. “I just felt so dirty,” she says, her body shuddering. Hannah rubs circles over her back to calm her. “Like I was naked in front of all of you.” Suddenly, her drastic change of clothes makes a lot more sense.

 

“Sweetheart,” Hannah sighs.

 

“I know it’s stupid,” Baker says. “I just—I start feeling like we’ve come so far and I feel so happy and confident, and then something reminds me of that time and I feel scared again.”

 

“It’s not stupid,” Hannah says gently. “It’s a process. You know how long it took me to come out to my friends at Emory. We both have messy stuff in our pasts, but that stuff doesn’t matter. The future doesn’t matter either. Right now matters.”

 

“What if I want the future to matter?” Baker sniffles, her voice small like it gets when Hannah knows she’s trying to be cute. She bats her eyelashes. “Like when we have our dogs and babies and big backyard with a pool.”

 

“And a childproof gate.”

 

Baker rolls her eyes. “I was trying to be romantic.”

 

“I just don’t want our hypothetical child to fall in and drown and for you to live with that guilt all your life!”

 

“Me? Why am I the guilty one?”

 

“Because I was the one who said we should really get a childproof gate.”

 

Baker laughs, lifting her head to kiss Hannah. “You make everything better, you know.”

 

“Safety first, that’s what I always say.”

 

A throat clears in the doorway, and Hannah looks up to see Clay standing there, his hands shoved deep in his pockets. “Sorry to, uh—can I borrow Baker for a minute, Han?”

 

Hannah looks to Baker for confirmation, but Baker is already standing up. “Yeah.”

 

“If I’m not back in 20 minutes or you hear screaming, come for me,” Baker says with a wink as she follows Clay out the door.

 

Hannah can only wait five before she’s plodding down the stairs to where Luke and Joanie are snuggled up on their loveseat watching a movie while Wally sits by himself texting someone he refuses to tell them about (though Joanie swears she has the scoop).

 

“What are we watching?” she asks.

 

“Baker and Clay are on the back porch,” Joanie says, answering her real question.

 

Hannah sits by Wally, who immediately places his phone face down on the arm of the couch. “Come on, don’t I deserve to know?” she teases.

 

He lifts an eyebrow. “No.”

 

“Ouch,” Hannah says, punching him in the arm. “Rude.”

 

“I’ll fill you in tomorrow,” he whispers.

 

“Shhh!” Joanie hisses. “This is the good part.”

 

“You’ve never seen this movie,” Luke retorts.

 

“No, but Channing Tatum just took off his shirt, so I know it’s the good part.”

 

Hannah tries to wait patiently for Baker and Clay, but she knows she isn’t doing a good job judging by the way Wally keeps reaching out to settle her jiggling knee. Finally, when Channing’s shirt is back on (a rare occasion in this movie), Hannah feels a pair of arms wrap around her from behind the couch, Baker’s chin dropping onto her shoulder.

 

“Hey, Hannah-bear,” she murmurs. “Sorry to keep you waiting.”

 

“It’s okay,” Hannah says. “Everything good?”

 

“Yeah, perfect,” Baker replies.

 

Hannah moves over on the couch so Baker can slide in between her and Wally. Baker doesn’t hesitate before taking Hannah’s hand and leaning on her shoulder, her knees curling up on Hannah’s lap.

 

Hannah can see Clay through the window on the phone with someone—probably his parents to check in. She watches him walk back and forth, his face changing from smiling to his serious listening face back to smiling again. If he could turn and see her staring at him, he’d make a goofy face and hurry to get off the phone so he could join the party.

 

Clay hates missing out on any opportunity to hang out with the whole Six-Pack. One time junior year, they all planned to travel to one of Wally and Luke’s track meets in New Orleans one weekend, but Clay had a test in a class he wasn’t doing well in, so his parents made him stay home. Hannah doesn’t think their group text had ever been as active as it was that weekend due to Clay needing constant play by plays of everything.

 

Then again, as she watches Clay, she wonders if he’d still do the same now. Their first year of college (and Joanie’s senior year of high school) changed them all noticeably. Hannah sees it most in Baker, of course, counting herself lucky to watch her girlfriend blossom into the confident woman she was always meant to be, but they’ve all grown in different ways.

 

Clay carries himself differently, she thinks, but as she tries to think of his milestones over the past year, she comes up empty. In fact, the Clay in all her most vivid memories hardly resembles this one at all, and she wonders how much of the distance between them has to do with Baker rather than the physical distance. After all, Hannah knows all about Wally’s most detested professors and the stupid pranks Luke’s team pulled on him.

 

She watches him stop walking and nod a few times, still smiling, a sure sign he’s going to hang up soon (some things never change), and before she can think better of it, she’s getting up abruptly, eliciting a whimper from Baker as she’s jostled around.

 

“Sorry,” Hannah whispers, dropping a kiss to her forehead. “I’ll be right back.”

 

The air is warm outside, but not as humid as she’s used to, thanks to the sea breeze blowing in. “Hey,” she says.

 

“Hey,” Clay says, smiling tightly. “I was hoping we’d get a chance to talk.”

 

“Yeah?” Hannah sits on one of the rocking chairs where Baker must have been before, because her sweatshirt is still there. She picks it up and clutches it in her lap.

 

“I owe you an apology for what I said earlier. About Baker. It was totally uncalled for.”

 

Reflexively, Hannah’s mouth opens to wave off his apology, but she snaps it shut just in time. “Thanks,” she says instead.

 

“I apologized to her, too, so don’t worry,” he says, taking the other rocking chair.

 

“What did you guys talk about?”

 

“You,” Clay laughs. “She’s crazy about you, not sure if you knew that.”

 

Hannah blushes. “She’s pretty great too.”

 

“I know.”

 

Hannah looks down at her hands.

 

“Listen, I—I don’t know if I’m there yet, Hannah,” Clay says. “But I promise I’m trying. You both mean a lot to me, and it’s so obvious how happy you make each other, so I want to be your biggest cheerleader.”

 

“But it's weird.”

 

“No!” Clay insists. “A little bit,” he relents at Hannah’s skeptical look. “Not the girl thing. Well, not just that. The whole thing just takes some getting used to.”

 

“Trust me, I know,” Hannah says, thinking back to last summer when she and Baker were getting used to being more than friends.

 

She still cringes when she thinks of the time she forgot about her parents’ new open-door policy for her bedroom. They both fell asleep while watching Parks and Rec and woke up to Hannah’s dad pounding on the door and telling Baker it was time to go home. They'd spent the rest of the week driving around and going to the movies so they would have some peace and privacy (and so Baker wouldn't have to face Tom).

 

“I don’t know if I ever thought about what you were going through,” she says softly.

 

“Why would you?” Clay laughs. “Baker was in the hospital and then went ghost, you were dealing with the whole world knowing your biggest secret, we were all freaking out about college. The last thing you should have been thinking about was me.”

 

“You were still one of my best friends—still are, I mean.”

 

“I was an asshole to you,” Clay says. 

 

“You’ve already apologized for that.”

 

“Yeah, and I still feel like shit about it.” Clay sighs, running a hand through his hair. “It’s weird, like, I look at you and you’re Hannah, but I look at you and Baker, and suddenly you’re the girl my girlfriend left me for.”

 

Hannah flinches at the world ‘girlfriend.’

 

“See? That’s how I feel sometimes,” he says. “I know on some level I was just… I don't know, a stop on Baker’s road that was always going to lead to you.”

 

“Ms. Carpenter would be proud of that metaphor,” Hannah teases gently.

 

“But I really liked her,” he continues. “It was real for me. Whatever it was for her, that's her business, but I was in it. I don't think I ever thought we would last all that long—she's clearly way too good for me—but I thought we could fall in love or something at least.”

 

Hannah feels a lump form in her throat, and she grips Baker’s sweatshirt tighter.

 

“And then there's the fact that you and I—” Clay stops, looking around like he's searching for his next words. “Like, Wally and Luke are my bros. Wally and I would never go after Joanie—”

 

“Gross.”

 

“I wouldn’t go near a girl Wally had a crush on, and I know he’d do the same for me. And I—I guess I should have respected that with you, knowing that you and Baker were… into each other, I don’t know.”

 

“You’re worried that you broke bro code with me?” Hannah laughs. “Are you kidding?”

 

“I don’t know!” Clay exclaims, flustered. “This is all so new to me.”

 

“It's new to all of us,” Hannah says. “Be easy on yourself.”

 

Clay smiles. “God, you two really are made for each other.”

 

“Why?”

 

“She said the same thing earlier,” Clay says. “Word for word. I'm going to try. I can promise you that.”

 

“I know,” Hannah says. “I can tell.”

 

“Do you think we’ll ever be normal again?” Clay asks, looking down at the ground in front of him. Hannah swears she sees his cheeks turn pink. “Me and you? All of us?”

 

“Sure,” Hannah says. “I don't see why we can't try. I miss you.”

 

“I miss you too,” Clay says. “I didn't know if that would be weird to say.”

 

“No,” Hannah says. “A weird thing to say would be that you've seen my girlfriend naked.”

 

Clay buries his head in his hands and groans. “God, I'm a jerk.”

 

“Hey, trust me, I get wanting to brag about it,” Hannah laughs, glancing inside where she can see Baker has fallen asleep on the couch, her feet stretched out in poor Wally’s lap. “But maybe a good starting point would be not ever referencing that fact? Like, ever again?”

 

Clay laughs, dimples carving into his cheeks as he smiles at Hannah, looking exactly like the Clay in all her favorite memories. “Yeah, I think I can promise that.”


End file.
